He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize