Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
