yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
