he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
