hotel room ftw
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
