I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
