chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
