I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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