That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
