he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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