i just had sex bonerless
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize