I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
