textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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