I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
