Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
