I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
