____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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