just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
