I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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