Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
