i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
