You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
