i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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