Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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