Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
