sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
