went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i love accidental penises.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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