elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
