My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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