It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
