it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
