We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
