How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
