what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
