so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they're like a gay fantastic four
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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