I think I am morally bankrupt
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I love how my cats smell like pot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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