so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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