I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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