I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize