everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
