Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
