i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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