I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
