He had one of those small greek statue penises
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
