Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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