She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Send help, water and tortillas.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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