i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
