I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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