is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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