You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
