is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
