I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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