totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
