Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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