sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
