You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
