her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
