FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
