a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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