i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
