I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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