I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
