I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
