Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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