i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
