Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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