Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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